The Calf Who Judged the Judge
At the 4-H calf show in Stephenville, a young Jersey leads the judge in a slow circle around the ring and wins the class easily.
Every spring the 4-H kids bring their calves to the show ring in Stephenville, and the judge walks around and checks them over. It is a quiet, dignified process, and the kids practice for weeks. That year I was the ring steward, which mostly means I stand by the gate and look official.
A girl named Maribel Quintero came in with a Jersey calf named Taffy. Maribel had been working with Taffy since January, walking her around the yard, brushing her, and talking to her like a roommate. Taffy had learned to follow directions about as well as any calf could. She had also learned, quite separately, that the judge's clipboard smelled like peppermint.
When the judge, a tall man in a clean hat, stepped up to examine her, Taffy turned the tables. She nudged his pocket, which was where the peppermints were. He stepped back. She stepped forward. He took another step back, and she took another step forward, and before long the two of them were walking a slow circle around the ring together, calf and judge, like a pair of dancers.
The crowd loved it. Maribel stood perfectly still, holding the lead rope and trying not to laugh. The judge kept talking in his official voice as though nothing unusual were happening, pointing out the calf's good topline and clean legs between steps. At last he gave in, pulled out a peppermint, and held it up. Taffy took it politely and stood for her evaluation like an angel.
She won the class, and I believe it was the closest decision of the day. The judge told the audience he had never been so thoroughly examined by a competitor. The 4-H chapter keeps a photo of the dance in the clubhouse. If you have a young person who might enjoy this, the guidance at Texas Department of Agriculture covers the basics, and the humor stays free at farm.FM.